Musings

Have you ever had an experience where you have wanted something for so long and when you finally get it, you realise that it is not the thing you wanted, but the hope of getting it one day that gave you the thrill?

Like one of my dear friend's post explains, , I have also, always, been a misanthrope. I don't know what made me one. I don't know since when i have become one. But I know that I have been one ever since I can remember. Maybe it was my troubled childhood that led to the eventual distrust I have in mankind. I realised when I was a child itself, that I will never be able to understand the human society or "fit into" it. I've never wanted to and I've never tried to "fit into" the society either. Everywhere I looked, I saw pretensions, and I saw to what extends people will give up their integrity and individuality to "fit in". And it reaffirmed my conception about the pathetic state we humans live in. We are all scared. We live our lives in fear of one thing or the other.   And we always need something to fear about. That uncertainty fuels our will to live for a tomorrow. We never are satisfied with today. We always hope for a better ...

What is more painful? The silences of empty words?                       or The echoes of unbearable silences?

Sometimes, you just can't not but wonder, "Why tha hell are some people the way they are?!?!?" I mean really, why do they have to be mean and illogical? Some people are just way beyond anywhere near to making sense!   A teacher is, in anyways, in better position than students. I mean, think of it. Really. They earn money for putting students through two hours of torture 2 days a week. They don't really have a lot of work to do like the students who have to go thru the torture procedure for at least 6 almost continuous hours EVERYDAY. They don't have any assignments to do. And for a professor who teaches in the masters level in universities, the work is even less when compared to their counterparts who work in schools and degree colleges. No offence to anyone, but really, in the masters level, it is mostly in the students hands. All the work, I mean. And if you make your students give presentations in every single class, I don't really think you have a lot of...

So, it is 3 in the morning and i don't want to sleep. But i don't want to work either cos my brain is too clogged and i cant think straight. i cant go for a walk or anything cos it is too cold outside (and honestly, physical strain is way beyond something i can even understand, let alone enjoy). maybe i should watch something. but as i said before, my brain is too clogged to understand or comprehend anything i see or hear. so now what? This is the worst kind of disease to become a victim of and in this place it is almost contagious. I don't exactly remember since when i've become an insomniac. but now, it feels like i've been like this forever. and it is not like i don't enjoy sleep. i jus don't fall asleep wen i try to. maybe i shud never try doing anything. cos every tym i try, it is as though fate (or God) or life is mocking me. i never achieve anything i try for but i always get more satisfaction for things i get vthout even trying for it. for in...

Just in case you are wondering why I need another blog when i have 2 other blogs, it is cos i am highly OC! I need categories. I need things to be put into categories, otherwise it will drive me nuts. So, my first blog  The silences of words is where I will write all my creative stuff. Poetry, stories and everything. My second blog, Shop Chop and Hop ,  is my fashion blog where I will write anything and everything related to fashion. And my third blog, Random Thoughts, will be where my blank and idle mind will vent out it's frustrations. I like to think of these blogs as a safe way to nurture my alter egos. I always have this feeling of being different persons inside my head (or is it mind?). And the differences among these personalities are so much that they are constantly at war. They want to know who is more powerful, who is more influential and who is here to stay. They wanna know who it is that I love the most. Well, honestly, I don't know. I love them all. They are al...